Survivors’ Anthem Series # 52: “Can’t Wait to Be Pretty” by Cate

When Trauma Changes the Way You See Yourself

Some songs make me think about who I am today.

Others transport me directly back to the girl I used to be.

“Can’t Wait to Be Pretty” by Cate does that in a way that hits incredibly deep.

This is Survivors’ Anthem # 52, and it touches on something I haven't talked about nearly as much in this series:

What trauma can do to the way we see our own bodies.

When I was younger and being abused by my stepfather, I desperately wanted to be an ordinary teenager. I wanted to worry about normal things.

Friends. Boys. Clothes. School. Crushes.

I wanted to look in the mirror without everything I had experienced looking back at me.

Instead, I was incredibly self-conscious. And somewhere along the way, my body became another place where I tried to protect myself.

If I Wasn't Appealing, Maybe I Would Be Safer

This is difficult to admit. But it's part of my truth. When I was being abused, I made myself heavier because, somewhere in my mind, I believed that if I could make myself less appealing, maybe I would be safer.

Maybe I wouldn't be noticed.

Maybe I wouldn't be wanted.

Maybe changing my body could protect me in a way I didn't know how to protect myself.

I didn't have the trauma language then to understand what I was doing. I was a kid trying to survive. And sometimes survival strategies don't make sense until years later, when we finally have enough distance to understand them.

I Just Wanted to Feel Pretty

At the same time, there was another part of me that wanted what so many teenagers want.

I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to wear something and feel confident instead of wondering what everyone else thought about me. I wanted to experience my body as mine instead of something connected to fear, shame, and what had been done to me.

That's why the idea behind “Can’t Wait to Be Pretty” lands so deeply. Because I remember waiting. Waiting to become someone I thought would finally be good enough.

Pretty enough.

Confident enough.

Normal enough.

I thought maybe someday I would become that girl.

What Is “Normal” When You're Surviving?

I spent so much of my adolescence comparing myself to other teenagers. Their lives seemed so simple from the outside.

Meanwhile, I was carrying experiences I couldn't talk about. I didn't know how to explain why I felt uncomfortable in my body. I didn't know why compliments could sometimes make me uncomfortable instead of happy.

I didn't understand why being noticed could feel frightening when part of me desperately wanted to be seen. Those feelings seem contradictory. For a survivor, they can exist at exactly the same time.

I wanted to be seen.

And I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to feel beautiful. And I believed being attractive could make me unsafe.

I wanted to be an ordinary teenager. And I had already lived through things that made me feel anything but ordinary.

My Body Was Trying to Protect Me

It took growing up and learning about trauma to understand something important:

My younger self wasn't failing at confidence. She was adapting.

Her body had become tangled up with survival. Changing it was one of the few things she felt she could control.

I have compassion for her now. I wish she never had to think about whether making herself less attractive might keep her safe. I wish she had been allowed to simply be a teenager.

But I'm also incredibly proud of the ways she found to keep going.

Pretty Was Never the Thing I Needed to Become

This is one of the biggest lessons healing has given me. I spent years thinking there would eventually be some future version of me who was finally enough.

But healing isn't becoming pretty enough. Thin enough. Confident enough. Strong enough. Perfect enough.

It's learning that your worth was never supposed to depend on any of those things.

My body isn't an apology. It isn't something I owe the world. And it isn't responsible for what someone else chose to do to me.

My body belongs to me.

That sounds like such a simple sentence. For survivors, reclaiming it can be revolutionary.

To the Girl in the Mirror

If I could sit beside my teenage self today, I wouldn't tell her she needed to change. I wouldn't tell her that someday she'd finally be pretty.

I'd tell her:

You already deserve to take up space.

You don't have to make yourself smaller.

You don't have to make yourself invisible.

You don't have to change your body to deserve safety.

And you don't have to look like anyone else to deserve love.

Most importantly, I'd tell her that what was happening wasn't because of her body. It wasn't because she was pretty. It wasn't because of what she wore. It wasn't because of anything she did.

The responsibility belonged entirely to the person choosing to abuse her.

Why This Song Belongs on the Survivors’ Anthem List

“Can’t Wait to Be Pretty” reaches into that complicated space between insecurity, identity, body image, and the longing to finally feel comfortable with yourself.

For me, those feelings cannot be separated entirely from trauma. Listening to this song now, I hear the teenager I once was. The girl who desperately wanted to feel normal. The girl who was self-conscious about her body while simultaneously using that same body as a shield. The girl who couldn't understand why she felt the way she did.

I understand her now.

And instead of judging her, I want to embrace her.

Because she was doing the best she could with something no child should ever have needed to survive.

Thank You, Cate

Cate, thank you for putting complicated feelings about beauty, comparison, and self-image into music. Sometimes a song doesn't perfectly mirror our story. Instead, it opens a door. It gives us permission to explore why certain words affect us so deeply.

This song opened that door for me. And behind it was a younger version of myself who deserved far more compassion than I ever gave her.

What This Anthem Means to Me

This anthem is about reclaiming my body from trauma. It's about understanding why I once tried to disappear inside it. It's about grieving the ordinary teenage experiences I wanted so badly.

But it's also about realizing something my younger self couldn't yet understand:

I never needed to become worthy.

I already was.

The abuse distorted the way I saw myself. Healing is teaching me to look again. And this time, I'm learning to see myself through my own eyes.

Not his.

💜 Continue the Journey

52 songs. 52 stories. 52 different ways music has helped survivors put words to experiences that can be incredibly difficult to explain all on the Survivors Anthem Series.

🎧 Listen to the Survivors’ Anthem playlists on Spotify and YouTube and discover more of The Music That Helped Us Heal.

📖 Read Because of Jane and discover the story behind the series.

📚 And on October 3, 2026, the story continues with Because of Maddie: The Girl Who Said, “ENOUGH!”

🦋 Explore The Jane Project and add your own thread to our growing web of resilience.

If a song helped you survive, reclaim yourself, or finally understand something about your own story, I want to hear it.

Because your anthem may become the song another survivor didn't know they needed.

I spent years waiting to feel pretty. Healing taught me I should never have had to wait to feel worthy. 💜

🛡️ Survivor Support & Safety Awareness

Healing is emotional, but feeling physically safe matters too.

That’s why I’m proud to collaborate with Hootie Personal Safety Alarms as part of my survivor advocacy work.

For every 4 Hooties I sell, 1 is donated to a domestic violence shelter to help support survivors who may be rebuilding their lives and finding their sense of safety again.

If you’d like to support the mission while adding an extra layer of personal safety for yourself or someone you care about:

💜 Visit gethootie.com

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Every purchase through my collaboration helps move us closer to another donated alarm for a survivor.

Because everyone deserves to move through the world feeling safer, supported, and empowered.